Revelations
by writerprobie
Summary: It didn't really matter what his rational mind told him: That it was a meaningless quip in response to a hypothetical conversation with Esposito. All he was able to do was equate "I'd get you out," to "I love you."
1. Chapter 1

"Don't worry Castle, I'd get you out."

All he could do was stare after her as his legs suddenly went weak and his mother's words echoed through his mind, "Because that, my boy, is true love." He loved her. He had loved since the moment he had sat across from her on their first case, psychoanalyzing her reasons for becoming a cop and realizing just how fragile and strong she was at the same time. It had intrigued him then, her story. It made him want to know; so he had called the mayor and begun his excavation. What he had found astonished him. She was more remarkable then anyone he had ever known; compassionate, strong, damaged, driven, focused, intelligent and achingly beautiful. With each layer he peeled; each cliff he scaled; each piece of knowledge that he dragged, wheedled, deduced and observed from her, he fell deeper in love with her. It was beautiful agony. He was with her almost every day, working with her, seeing her, smelling her, talking with her, getting the chance to understand her a little more each day. His favorite moments were the ones where they were building theory together, a story, their own little world created as they fed off of each other to create a situation, getting closer and closer together until he could smell her shampoo and feel her breath on his lips. It was masochistic really, but it hurt oh so good; besides, he couldn't stop if he tried.

"You coming?" Always. That word ran through his mind. A parade of devotion that he found was uncontrollable. What came out of his mouth was a half assed affirmation coupled with a quick half-skip to her side as they headed towards the elevator.

She pressed the button as he stood there, still a little shell-shocked. It didn't really matter what his rational mind told him: That it was a meaningless quip in response to a hypothetical conversation with Esposito. All he was able to do was equate "I'd get you out," to "I love you." The doors opened and they stepped in. He had to know. Was it true? It couldn't be true. There was no way it was true. He knew that. But her words had opened a window of hope within him and he couldn't stamp it out. He had to know; had to ask. But before he could work up the nerve to force the words from his mouth she was gone with a quick "night" and the overly loud rhythm of her boots on the ground of the parking garage.


	2. Chapter 2

It was hours later now, and he still couldn't force it from his mind. Her words haunted him, repeating over and over again in his mind, melding and clashing with his mothers in a never ending litany provoking and inflaming his unfounded hope. He had to know.

He showed up outside her door at 2am. He hadn't been able to help himself. It took her five minutes to get to the door and then she was there. Standing in her over-sized t-shirt, hair mussed in that way that Castle never failed to find so endearing and asking what the hell he was doing outside her door in the middle of the night and he couldn't help it, because it was her and she was there and all of a sudden his lips were on hers with him having no recollection of how they actually got there but not minding in the least because she was kissing him back and it was wonderful and rejuvenating and time seemed to stretch; and in that moment he was completely and utterly happy.

But then he had to breathe and while he was currently of the opinion that kissing her was much more life-giving than oxygen at this moment in time the thought of her needing it to survive had him pulling away from her the slightest bit so that they were no longer kissing but were as close as possible to each other without actual contact.

They stood there, sharing breaths with her hands on his shoulders and his resting on her lower back and tangled in her hair, pressing her infinitesimally closer to him, just so he could feel her warmth. And then she was pushing him away and shaking her head, and the words coming out of her mouth were "No, castle. We can't," and he felt his world fall to pieces as she slipped out of his arms. He watched her back away; saw the tears filling her eyes as she slowly shut the door, leaving him staring at cold wood.

He had had her. She had been his for a brief moment in their tangled and rocky history, and now she was gone. And he didn't know if he would ever be able to recover.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok everyone here is the third installment. Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. I have to admit that it is somewhat of an ego boost, especially because none of my stuff has ever been read by a large quantity of people and its quite gratifying to know that you all enjoy it. Thus I am going to attempt to get the chapters out at a more regular interval, and if not regular at least in a relatively expedient fashion. Anyway, enjoy!

p.s. I do not own the characters however I do own this particular interpretation of said creations and as they themselves are actually creations of someone else's than all of the thoughts of the characters are completely open to the speculation of individuals so inclined like myself.

She was crying. Richard Castle had made her cry. She never cried. The last time she had cried was at her mother's funeral and since then any tears that had threatened to come to her eyes after that had always seemed to dishonor that memory somehow. So she never cried; except now she was, and she couldn't stop.

Oh god why did he have to go and do that? Why did he have to go and rock the boat like that? Things were fine until he had gone and done that. They were stable and rhythmical with an unbroken pattern spanning the days since he had gotten back from the Hamptons. What in the world had prompted him to show up on her doorstep and kiss her like that? Like he was breathing her in, consuming her until there was nothing left for him to have because everything was already his, and reciprocating in kind.

In that one kiss he had revealed more about himself than he ever had before, baring his soul for her perusal and placing in her hands his heart to break or receive as she saw fit; and that terrified her.

She had reacted on instinct, repeating to him the words that she had told herself so many times: "We can't." Can't because he's famous and she's just a cop; can't because they work together. Can't because he's creative and fanciful and she's routine and practical; can't because he has Gina and she has Josh; can't because she's far too damaged and broken to ever fit with him.

Except he knew that. Piece by piece he had unraveled the mystery of her torturous past, diving headlong into the chaos that was her nightmare and returning to her with every new crack in her being that he discovered, and healing her along the way. And she had just broken his heart. Ripped it in half and handed it back to him, all because she was too damn scared to give in for once. Too terrified of losing herself to drop her defenses and let anyone in.

And now he was gone and she was left facing the even more petrifying reality that he might never come back, which left her one option.


	4. Chapter 4

Woot woot! Here we go.

I own nothing...I swear...

She had found him in the basement of the Old Haunt. It was the second place she had checked after he had refused to pick up his phone and a disgruntled and sleepy looking Martha had opened the door and told her to check for herself if he was there or not before going back to sleep. He hadn't been. She knew that he wouldn't go to the precinct; it held too many memories. And that left only one place, the bar he had bought that had harbored him in his fledgling career.

He was sitting in one of the armchairs he had put down there; the really comfortable ones that he had dragged Kate to help pick out on the basis that she was obviously going to be down there with him at some point in time and therefore should really be a part of the decision making process that went along with the seating arrangements.

There was a half empty bottle of scotch in his hand and a look on his face that Kate had never seen before; despair.

He had always been the hopeful one in their relationship, the one with the bright and happy outlook on life and the assurance that everything was going to be ok. That was gone, and he looked like he was in the midst of drowning with no hope of a rescue. That in itself almost stopped her. She had caused this; she was the only one responsible for the state he was in now. She should walk away, leave and never look back, because then she wouldn't ever be able to hurt him again.

And then he looked up, alerted by some unknown force to her presence at the top of the stairs, and everything shifted. His pain was still just as raw and unveiled, but hidden within the depths of that desolation there was now a glimmer of hope as he stared at her. And that was all it took.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing and I have a feeling this is going to get really old really quickly.

She found herself running down the stairs and throwing herself into his arms as she started sobbing again. It was all just too much; the kiss, the following self-examination resulting in an emotional epiphany and him, sitting there with rekindled hope in his eyes drowning his sorrows in scotch.

He dropped the scotch to catch her, uncaring of the amber liquid now spilling across the floor as he wrapped her in his arms. He didn't know why she was crying but he was of the opinion that any tears that were not happy spilling from the eyes of Kate Beckett must be banished straight away because they did not belong there. So he held her, rocking her softly as her sobs died down and were replaced by a peaceful silence.

He was still holding her, unwilling to let go until the absolute last possible moment. He found himself focusing separately on every part of his body that was in contact with hers. His hands as the rested on head and her lower back; his legs with her left leg curled up on top of him; his torso with her body pressed tightly to his; his chest where her cheek rested; and finally his chin where it rested on the top of her head. She was warm and soft, her breathing even after her tears had given way to the quiet companionship they now found themselves sharing, and he found his eyes closing as a wave of contentment passed over him.

They didn't talk, didn't share any poignant or revealing gazes, they just sat there, her curled up in his lap with his arms wrapped protectively around her, in the armchair that he had bought for her.

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They drifted off to sleep like that, neither really feeling it happen, simply content to remain in contact with one another, leaving the questions and confessions for tomorrow as they found comfort in each other's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks so much for all of your awesome reviews. Truly you are all fabulous. Anyway, here's the next one, and its about twice as long as all the rest so yay for that!

Seriously I own nothing

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He woke up first, blinking owlishly in the light of the standing lamp in the corner of the room. He was confused, at first, at the warm weight resting on top of him until he looked down onto auburn hair and caught the scent of cherries.

Her head was nestled against his chest with one arm up around his neck and the other curled around his side with her legs pulled up onto his lap. She absolutely adorable and Rick found himself tightening his hold on her and smiling as she unconsciously burrowed deeper into the warmth he provided.

He knew that he shouldn't get his hopes up; that she was likely to be just as adamant about maintaining a professional relationship between them this morning as she had been last night, but it was kind of hard to remain completely pessimistic when she was curled up in his lap. His head fell back against the chair with a muffled thump as he stared at the ceiling contemplating his current position.

In all honesty he was at a bit of a loss as to what exactly he should do. He couldn't bring himself to wake her up, but at the same time he knew that sitting here with her in his lap would only serve to deepen his hopes for another chance with her, which would just end up hurting more than it already had.

He was torn from his internal debate by her shifting beneath him, smirking when she nuzzled his chest and curled into him a little more.

The first thing she registered was the fact that her bed smelled really good. It smelled like Castle actually. She stiffened at that thought, why did her bed smell like Castle? And then she remembered and the significance of what she had done the night before hit her like a truck. After she had come to the realization that she couldn't stand the thought of him leaving her…ever…she had called Josh and abruptly broken it off with him, only offering as an explanation that she would be lying to herself and to him if she let it continue any longer. He had seemed rather shocked about the whole thing, not that she could blame him because it had been 3 in the morning and being woken up in the middle of the night to get broken up with isn't really a run of the mill scenario in any movie scene.

So now she found herself curled up in the lap of one Rick Castle with her mind reeling from all that had happened and feeling just slightly terrified at what his reaction to her would be when he woke up. Sure he had held her willingly enough last night, but he was drunk and emotionally vulnerable. She had broken his heart and he had every right to want to stay as far away from her as possible.

She inhaled one last time and slowly raised her head to find herself staring straight into his sky blue eyes, making her jump a little and he reflexively tightened his grip around her as she shifted in his lap. They stared at each other, unmoving as the seconds ticked past.

God she was beautiful. He knew she was awake when he felt her stiffen in his arms. He had been expecting it, but it still sent a lance of pain through his chest at the knowledge that her feelings had not changed since the night before. He braced himself for the coming rejection, building up his mental defenses in preparation, only to have them fall apart as she looked up into his eyes and held his gaze. He felt her body slowly relax as they stared at each other and he was suddenly struck with the notion that maybe, just maybe, it would be ok to hope.

"Morning." His voice was still slightly rough from sleep and she couldn't help but think how incredibly sexy it sounded. She wanted to hear that every morning. Wanted to roll over and snuggle into his side, running her fingers down her chest as she strained her neck up to whisper it back in his ear before burrowing back under the covers and wrapping her arms around his chest. It was an idyllic dream that she found herself desperately wanting to become a reality.

"Ditto," she finally responded. A broad grin broke out across his face at her greeting, because that's what it was, a greeting. She hadn't jumped out of his arms immediately and there been no outraged statements or stammering apologies. Simply a morning greeting and to him that said everything in the world, because it meant that she wasn't trying to run away, and if she wasn't trying to run away, then she wanted to be here, with him, which turned him downright giddy.


	7. Chapter 7

_Ok redo. This is for morethanamuse, hopefully it's better this time. I reread it and you're right, it was a little confusing, I fixed some other stuff too. _

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_Thanks to all the reviewers! You guys are awesome! I think I'm almost done with this story. I realize that I could probably drag it out as long as I want and go the marriage/relationship route, but to be honest I don't think it would hold my interest long enough to really do it justice. I'm not done yet though. And now, without further ado, I give you..._

_I own nothing_

_Haha. no but really here we go._

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"Ditto." It was one word. It wasn't really even a response. So why the hell was he sitting there grinning that stupidly adorable grin at her? It didn't make sense. And yet there he was, proceeding to melt her heart yet again by grinning at her one word reciprocation of his greeting. It was ridiculous. She knew that. And yet she couldn't really make herself care because at this moment she is the happiest she has been in a really long time.

So she smiled back.

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The smile was what broke him. Really he had been trying so hard to hold himself back after her greeting and then she had to go and smile like that and he really couldn't be held responsible anymore. Her smile was like the first ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds on a grey day. Like the first breath of fresh air as you're driving out of the city. It's her secret weapon, her Trojan horse, and she couldn't possibly know what it did to him.

He pulled her to him, crushing her lips to his in a glorious moment of passion before he realized what he had done and pulled back immediately stammering apologies and pleading with her to please not leave because he promised he wouldn't do it again if she _just wouldn't leave_.

Except she was still smiling…and wrapping her arms around his neck…and then she was kissing him and all thought ceased in the mind of Richard Castle because Kate Beckett kissing him was not anywhere near the realm of possibilities that he had imagined in this moment.

He came back to himself when she shifted her body so that she was straddling him, bringing their torsos into contact with each other. Her hands were still wrapped around his neck, with his wrapped around her body attempting to negate any space between them whatsoever.

They were both gasping when they pulled away and Rick was thrown back to last night, when she had shaken her head and ripped him to shreds with a single phrase. He was afraid to open his eyes. He couldn't go through that again, he wasn't strong enough. So he simply sat there, choosing instead to remain with her wrapped up in his arms in his world of darkness.

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The kiss had surprised her, to say the least. All she had done was smile at the guy and he was all over her. Then he had pulled back and started apologizing and it was just so damn cute she couldn't help herself. She was still sitting sideways in his lap; a rather awkward position for kissing in. Therefore the only logical thing to do was to straddle him, which had the added bonus of creating a delicious friction between them.

She pulled away first, needing air, and opened her eyes to find his still closed.

"Don't leave."

It was whispered so softly that she almost missed it. Strained with fear and more than a hint of despair it was easily the most heart wrenching thing she had heard in a long time.

She brought her lips to his in another soft kiss, "Hey," and another, "Rick." His eyes flew open at the use of his first name and she met his eyes steadily.

"I'm not going anywhere."


	8. Chapter 8

_Ok peeps! This is the final chapter! Thanks so much for sticking with me through this. I had a lot of fun writing this and while I'm a little disappointed that it's over I like the stopping point that I've come to. Anyway, I have two more stories in the works as well as a working idea for a third, so I'm definitely not done. Hope you guys have enjoyed this as much as I have. Au revoir!_

_Disclaimer: it has been disclaimed_

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_"I'm not going anywhere."_

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"You promise?"

It was a whispered plea, and Kate was suddenly struck by how deeply she must have hurt him the night before.

It was hard to talk all of a sudden, looking into his eyes, suddenly grown so vulnerable. She swallowed thickly, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against his, bringing one hand up to gently slide her fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, I promise," she whispered, opening her eyes once more to allow him to study her, smiling gently at him.

She watched as a grin slowly spread across his face, starting with his eyes and slowly making its way down his face until it reached his mouth; and everything seemed a lot brighter all of a sudden.

She wasn't running! She was staying, wrapped in his arms, and whispering promises that the situation wouldn't be changing. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but his inner demons had gotten the better of him and he couldn't help himself.

He had cursed himself immediately for breaking the moment, terrified that he had scared her off. But then she had surprised him again, kissing him softly and whispering that she wasn't going to leave. He couldn't let himself believe it though, he needed more. So as he stared at her, wrapped in the bubble they had created for themselves within the confines of the basement of his newly acquired bar, he asked her to promise him…and she had.

As the significance of what she had just done for him sank in, he felt a deep seated sense of joy pervaded his entire being, stretching his mouth into a grin to answer her soft smile.

It had happened; she was his…finally. And he just sat there, grinning stupidly at her as he basked in the warmth of her favor.

But then he had a thought, and his smile faded, earning a concerned look from her.

"What about Josh?" He asked, his heart almost breaking.

"I broke up with him last night, before I came here," and that was all it took for his grin to come back full force. She had broken up with her boyfriend…for him…life could not get any sweeter.

But his thought had made her have a thought, and he watched as concern clouded her previously joyous face and he suddenly knew why. Gina. She had broken up with Josh, but he hadn't broken up with Gina…at least, to her knowledge he hadn't broken up with Gina. What she didn't know was that he had ended it three weeks ago, after one too many fights over Kate.

Gina had wanted him to stop shadowing her, saying that he had collected more than enough material for a dozen Nikki Heat books, and the only reason he was still working with Kate was because of his infatuation with her. In short she was jealous, and while in retrospect Rick really couldn't blame her, the way she had handled was not exactly tactful, and he hadn't regretted ending it.

So as she opened her mouth to voice her question he answered it before she could.

"I ended it with Gina weeks ago," he shrugged a little; "I just hadn't gotten around to mentioning it." He didn't say why he hadn't mentioned it, he didn't need to. Kate understood perfectly. She was still with Josh; there was nothing he could do. Telling her that he had broken up with his girlfriend would have only brought him pain. Pain because she was happy with Josh, and even though he was single now his conscience would never allow him to take that away from her out of his own selfishness.

She kissed him again then, long and slow and sweet, thanking him without words.

Rick had just started kissing his way down her neck when a loud grumble sounded throughout the room, arresting his movements and causing him to look around in curiosity. And then Kate started laughing and he realized what it was, staring down at his stomach accusingly. It wasn't all that surprising, as all he hadn't eaten since the night before and it was going on 11:00, it was just incredibly inopportune timing.

She was still laughing though, so he supposed it wasn't such a bad thing because she was incredibly cute like this, laughing wholeheartedly without a care in the world. It was a new side of her that he had never seen before; one that he liked immensely.

And then she was pulling him up by his hand, asking if he wanted to go get lunch and he nodded, smiling.

He was momentarily distracted by the splash his feet made when he stood up and looked down in confusion at the puddle there, and then over to the mostly empty bottle of scotch laying next to it. Huh, he never even remembered dropping that. The thought ran through his mind that he might want to get a towel but the tug of Kate's hand changed his mind. Nah, he thought, grinning widely at her as he followed her up the stairs, it could wait…everything could wait.


End file.
